In Focus

I spend too much time on TikTok. I enjoy it because of the easy entertainment and humor to numb my mind enough to sleep. Every once in a while, I come across a clip that is just so good, so memorable I have to share it.

As tensions continue to rise across the globe from Ukraine vs Russia, China and Taiwan, and let’s not forget the recent “spy balloons”, as well as our own severely divided country, this definitely caught my attention.

I came across a clip from a user called h.a.r.dtruth on what would happen if the U.S. was invaded. This was hilarious, serious and profound all at the same time. It’s honestly the most accurate statements I’ve heard in this context.

“If somebody invades America, there are no rules of engagement. The Crips and the Bloods are going to call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call it Geneva achievement.

White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers and bears while claymore strapped roombas swept the streets.

There’s a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with boom booms that make you see x-ray before you go go, we have freaking cannibals still. Speaking of Jethro, he’s still convinced that rules of engagement was overturned with Roe vs. Wade.

We have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids up on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty then we send them into the war zone we call the American public education system with no weapons, no means to defend themselves other than their fists. Timmy fights off the bullets with his bare fist and hopes you can zigzag. The quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just because you teased them. What do you think’s gonna happen when Timmy can’t get his chicken nuggies and you took his internet out.

The gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They’d be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don’t even get me started on the unhinged Millennials the moment they can’t get their mood stabilizers. War crimes will become an art form and we will run around like we’re playing Pokemon. Gotta catch them all!

Americans would turn war into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so that they can show the rest of the world examples of why not to mess with us.

The Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We’d take this so seriously we’d have Comedy Central send in Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement.

Racism in America would single-handedly be ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret Duck Hunt level with foreign paratroopers.

Somebody please threaten us with a good time, invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.”

There is so much to unpack here. But this Unhinged Millennial agrees with what this pink haired woman said. First, don’t mess with my meds, and second it shows just how messed up our country has become. And yet in times of crisis everyone puts their views aside and comes together. Remember 9/11, the world stopped and people stopped attacking each other and would lend each other a hand.

And once the smoke clears, we devolve back into petty humans.

Could the U.S. suffer a large scale attack? Yes, it’s happened before as previously mentioned. Even with heightened security, constantly improving technology and more intelligence being gathered, if there is a will, they will find a way. Are they going to just roll up on the U.S.? No, that would never work. Is there a chance of hijacking a commercial airplane? Honestly, if they tried to bomb us—especially with a “boom boom” rocket or nuclear bomb, would it ever reach here—I think it is highly unlikely.

When I saw that Biden recently visited the Ukraine, I saw this as a power move. Almost as if saying “I dare you to try something” because, whether we like him or not, any action against our president is an invitation to war.

And after all this, if somehow, some way we get invaded by foreign troops, American patriotism is strong and I will gladly saddle up a bear, charge up my roomba and meet you all at the front lines.